Tact

Just the other day a friend of mine messages me giving me grief about this one NFL-bound quarter back named Colt Brennan of University of Hawaii. He had a stellar NCAA career, breaking many records along the way, only to have his final collegiate game snuff out his joyride by a relentless pounding by Georgia Bulldogs in the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans. That was painful to watch. Anyways, he's like, the lightest of all the quarterbacks in the upcoming Senior Bowl and who knows where in the NFL Draft he'll be taken.

"Brennan is 185 pounds? He ever heard of a weight room? Jesus, what a fool! If I knew I could go pro I'd have spent more time pumpin' iron! So what has he been doing??"

derftguThen our topic changed to talking about cars and how they eat so much fuel and etc. I told my friend I'd rather get a truck after my current car so that I can use the truck for utility reasons--hauling stuff around, simply. He goes "Why? What you gonna haul? You a landscaper? Huh?"

The tone of his response had me baffled. I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or intentionally cynical with me. I asked, "Dude-I don't know if it's me or if this is how you talk to everyone else but I get the feeling you're giving me grief about the quarterback that I happen to like and the choice of car that I happen to have my eyes on". (The thing is--I really wasn't sure if he was on a bad streak or if he was just kiddin' and ribbin' me. Our convo was on AOL AIM. As we all know, AIM conversations are a breeding ground for misunderstandings and crap hitting the fan.

He responds "Oh dude I was laughing all the while I was saying it, I was just ribbin' and jokin' with ya bro."

"Oh okay..just had to check because I wasn't sure as to what tone of voice you were using" and added "You know how AIM conversations and emails, you can easily misunderstand."

"Oh yeah dude totally understand.. I should have added a marker or something like *chuckle* so as to convey my tone more clearly."

There--that totally set me straight and I was perfectly content with it, now that I had this cleared up. The thing is, I didn't want to assume anything, and if I did, I'd be brooding over it and thinking "What the hell is my friend thinking?!?! That jerk! I'm gonna chew his head off!!" So I had to ask and make sure before jumping to conclusions. I'm glad that he took the responsibility to be accountable and admit his error in that he wasn't clear.

And that's basically what I call tact. TACT. It's how you approach people and talk to them in a manner that they do not get the wrong message. However, we can only control how we present ourselves, but we cannot control how others perceive us.
The key truth is knowing what you can and cannot control.

Once you understand this, then understanding how people operate becomes a lot easier. It becomes alot easier to understand how YOU operate as well. How do you react? How do you perceive such situations when they arise? Is it your fault? What part of it do you have? Sure it takes two to tango--what part of this is your responsibility?

A simple matter of discrimination--such as someone refusing to provide a paper and pen for writing back and forth. One would say, "Well that hearing person s discriminating!! It's all his fault!"

Not exactly.

Because you are the other half of the dyad--the two people involved in this discriminating event--you are also partly responsible. You're responsible for the fact that you're there in the first place. You're responsible in some form or way that caused this person to refuse to provide a paper and pen for communication. If it wasn't for you requesting the paper and pen in the first place, or even being there in the first place, this wouldn't have happened!

The next step is, figuring out exactly what your role is in all of this.

And then to justify it.

But with tact, of course.


And sometimes, we do not always get the results we need.

Take a look at that deaf mom who tried ordering a milkshake via the drive through in Chicago. She calmly explained that she was deaf and that she needed an alternate format of communicating her order for two milkshakes. She did what she could diplomatically and reasonably. The manager's action, is that under her control? No. There's nothing she could stop him from behaving the way he did. And there's nothing he could stop her from contacting the press!

The bottom line is, do your best to deal with situations diplomatically and after exhausting all options then bring out the big guns.

Sometimes I tell, 'em... "Sue 'em". "That'll shake them up like shaking a bee hive." For me, in my opinion, that's the last resort.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. He was talking about how people who are blind have more services and things than people who are Deaf or hard of hearing. He stated that the Blind are a lot more persistent--they'll stand around all day if they have to for a chance to speak with a Representative about a Bill.

Perhaps then there's a question--patience vs. tact. Which is more effective?

BF

Hiatus and etc..

It's been awhile! It's exactly what I feared I'd do--start something on a whim, keep at it for a short while, then suddenly just abandon it. I had on my mind the past week to put in an entry on my blog, mostly because it was due. The thing is, I just couldn't really think of a good topic to write about. The whole Deficit Thinking hysteria passed and everything calmed back down. It's only a matter of sitting for a few minutes and directing my mind to Deafness that I can conjure something.
First off, I'm excited that I'll be attending the DeafRead Blog Awards! I purchased my plane ticket tonight--after a day of searching for a good fare. Originally I looked up for a fare to San Francisco but found the cost a bit too high, $314 for a round trip, and I winced. Ouch. So I thought, "What about across the Bay in Oakland?" Looked it up. $215. Much better. But if I did that, that means I'll either need to rent a car or catch the BART over to the other side of the Bay. But then I'll need to pay for hotel. Aieee. I called the Embassy and they said they were out of rooms booked under the DeafRead conference. But they did have some available at the normal going rate. But but but.. I use But too many times I guess.

Then it occurred to me--I recalled seeing certain specials online in travel.yahoo.com. Usually a flight and a car special. And we have had luck with that before--typically it's cheaper than a plane ticket alone! So with that hunch, I looked up San Francisco along with a car rental. Sure enough! $195 bucks!! And I don't even NEED the car because the hotel is like one mile from the airport and there's a shuttle service to and fro!! At least it'll save me a lot of time.

Now I gotta get me a tix to the Banquet. So see you there!

Oh and by the way if anyone of you are going and need to split a room, hit me up because just 'cause I got a cheap tix doesn't mean I can splurge on a room. I'll be more than happy to share a room and split the cost if there's any takers!!


I NEED A ROOM!

BF