Tact

Just the other day a friend of mine messages me giving me grief about this one NFL-bound quarter back named Colt Brennan of University of Hawaii. He had a stellar NCAA career, breaking many records along the way, only to have his final collegiate game snuff out his joyride by a relentless pounding by Georgia Bulldogs in the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans. That was painful to watch. Anyways, he's like, the lightest of all the quarterbacks in the upcoming Senior Bowl and who knows where in the NFL Draft he'll be taken.

"Brennan is 185 pounds? He ever heard of a weight room? Jesus, what a fool! If I knew I could go pro I'd have spent more time pumpin' iron! So what has he been doing??"

derftguThen our topic changed to talking about cars and how they eat so much fuel and etc. I told my friend I'd rather get a truck after my current car so that I can use the truck for utility reasons--hauling stuff around, simply. He goes "Why? What you gonna haul? You a landscaper? Huh?"

The tone of his response had me baffled. I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or intentionally cynical with me. I asked, "Dude-I don't know if it's me or if this is how you talk to everyone else but I get the feeling you're giving me grief about the quarterback that I happen to like and the choice of car that I happen to have my eyes on". (The thing is--I really wasn't sure if he was on a bad streak or if he was just kiddin' and ribbin' me. Our convo was on AOL AIM. As we all know, AIM conversations are a breeding ground for misunderstandings and crap hitting the fan.

He responds "Oh dude I was laughing all the while I was saying it, I was just ribbin' and jokin' with ya bro."

"Oh okay..just had to check because I wasn't sure as to what tone of voice you were using" and added "You know how AIM conversations and emails, you can easily misunderstand."

"Oh yeah dude totally understand.. I should have added a marker or something like *chuckle* so as to convey my tone more clearly."

There--that totally set me straight and I was perfectly content with it, now that I had this cleared up. The thing is, I didn't want to assume anything, and if I did, I'd be brooding over it and thinking "What the hell is my friend thinking?!?! That jerk! I'm gonna chew his head off!!" So I had to ask and make sure before jumping to conclusions. I'm glad that he took the responsibility to be accountable and admit his error in that he wasn't clear.

And that's basically what I call tact. TACT. It's how you approach people and talk to them in a manner that they do not get the wrong message. However, we can only control how we present ourselves, but we cannot control how others perceive us.
The key truth is knowing what you can and cannot control.

Once you understand this, then understanding how people operate becomes a lot easier. It becomes alot easier to understand how YOU operate as well. How do you react? How do you perceive such situations when they arise? Is it your fault? What part of it do you have? Sure it takes two to tango--what part of this is your responsibility?

A simple matter of discrimination--such as someone refusing to provide a paper and pen for writing back and forth. One would say, "Well that hearing person s discriminating!! It's all his fault!"

Not exactly.

Because you are the other half of the dyad--the two people involved in this discriminating event--you are also partly responsible. You're responsible for the fact that you're there in the first place. You're responsible in some form or way that caused this person to refuse to provide a paper and pen for communication. If it wasn't for you requesting the paper and pen in the first place, or even being there in the first place, this wouldn't have happened!

The next step is, figuring out exactly what your role is in all of this.

And then to justify it.

But with tact, of course.


And sometimes, we do not always get the results we need.

Take a look at that deaf mom who tried ordering a milkshake via the drive through in Chicago. She calmly explained that she was deaf and that she needed an alternate format of communicating her order for two milkshakes. She did what she could diplomatically and reasonably. The manager's action, is that under her control? No. There's nothing she could stop him from behaving the way he did. And there's nothing he could stop her from contacting the press!

The bottom line is, do your best to deal with situations diplomatically and after exhausting all options then bring out the big guns.

Sometimes I tell, 'em... "Sue 'em". "That'll shake them up like shaking a bee hive." For me, in my opinion, that's the last resort.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. He was talking about how people who are blind have more services and things than people who are Deaf or hard of hearing. He stated that the Blind are a lot more persistent--they'll stand around all day if they have to for a chance to speak with a Representative about a Bill.

Perhaps then there's a question--patience vs. tact. Which is more effective?

BF

Hiatus and etc..

It's been awhile! It's exactly what I feared I'd do--start something on a whim, keep at it for a short while, then suddenly just abandon it. I had on my mind the past week to put in an entry on my blog, mostly because it was due. The thing is, I just couldn't really think of a good topic to write about. The whole Deficit Thinking hysteria passed and everything calmed back down. It's only a matter of sitting for a few minutes and directing my mind to Deafness that I can conjure something.
First off, I'm excited that I'll be attending the DeafRead Blog Awards! I purchased my plane ticket tonight--after a day of searching for a good fare. Originally I looked up for a fare to San Francisco but found the cost a bit too high, $314 for a round trip, and I winced. Ouch. So I thought, "What about across the Bay in Oakland?" Looked it up. $215. Much better. But if I did that, that means I'll either need to rent a car or catch the BART over to the other side of the Bay. But then I'll need to pay for hotel. Aieee. I called the Embassy and they said they were out of rooms booked under the DeafRead conference. But they did have some available at the normal going rate. But but but.. I use But too many times I guess.

Then it occurred to me--I recalled seeing certain specials online in travel.yahoo.com. Usually a flight and a car special. And we have had luck with that before--typically it's cheaper than a plane ticket alone! So with that hunch, I looked up San Francisco along with a car rental. Sure enough! $195 bucks!! And I don't even NEED the car because the hotel is like one mile from the airport and there's a shuttle service to and fro!! At least it'll save me a lot of time.

Now I gotta get me a tix to the Banquet. So see you there!

Oh and by the way if anyone of you are going and need to split a room, hit me up because just 'cause I got a cheap tix doesn't mean I can splurge on a room. I'll be more than happy to share a room and split the cost if there's any takers!!


I NEED A ROOM!

BF

VRS companies, a beggining of a trend.

Sorenson Communications was the first. Then came Hands On Video Relay Services. Then came a slew of other smaller Video Relay Service (VRS) companies popping up on our radar. Hawk, Viable, Hamilton, Sprint, CSDVRS, etc..

What do these companies have in common? Why, video relay service, of course. And we all know about that.

What else do they have in common? I don't know if the lot of you have thought about it but this is one area that I find intriguing.

Deaf-friendly workplaces.

CSD is the first to be the biggest, deaf-friendly workplace where ASL is the primary language used within the company as it's preferred mode of communication. It's founder, Benjamin Soukup, is Deaf and when building and growing his fledging relay company in South Dakota, he hired many deaf individuals into his company. While at Gallaudet in the late 90's, I would see my friends graduate and head out to work for CSD in Sioux Falls. Some of them are still there.

These VRS companies started hiring. IT persons, managers, account managers, outreach specialists, marketing directors, web designers, videographers for their media department, etc. And the nice thing is that, there never was such requirement of "Must hear and speak". Instead, it was something along the lines of "must have some knowledge of the interpreting industry, whether it be as a consumer or as a manager". Something like that.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is actually a real golden opportunity for our Deaf Nation.

Read employment and business opportunities for the Deaf.

It's simple--here's the logic.. Why bother work for a hearing company and struggle with adapting to their preferred mode of communication, i.e. verbal and audible English produced by the mouth? Why not, we, as Deaf folks, turn the tables and own our own businesses? That way, we, as Deaf folks, can institute the preferred mode of communication in our business, namely ASL? Why bother getting ourselves into situations that have the potential to submit ourselves to oppression and audism by working for Hearing companies? Why not start our own businesses where we can be sure that that never happens within our companies?

Lastly, why not start and build a company that will create employment opportunities for members of our Deaf Nation?

Look at HOVRS. This company keeps growing and growing. Ever since they brought on a major investor and a new President of the company, I have seen their employment position postings pop up like a ground hog, recruiting for Deaf people to join their company. And to think--"Oh, how we would LOVE to work for a Deaf-Friendly company where we can use ASL everyday!" Sprint, when they open up an Account Manager position, experiences a flurry of applicants fighting for that position like a madhouse of piranhas. The corporate experience as well as attractive salaries is really enticing. How nice it would feel to know that you work for a corporate company and you have a expense account as you walk through the airport on your way to the next Deaf Expo. And to tell the naysayers who have always said "Deaf people can't do it--they're handicapped and not capable of working" or whatever else. I recalled once reading somewhere in a blog somewhere sometime ages ago, a Deaf gentlemen wrote something like, "At Burger King I went in to place my order, and the lady at the cashier saw that I was Deaf, and she proceeded to say 'Oh I'm so sorry you're deaf!'. I was appalled. I wrote back on the paper "I have two Master degrees and make $70,000 a year, and you're sorry? Especially that you're working in Burger King and you look like you're 65 years old with no retirement money?"

This past year I had the opportunity to participate in the DeafNation Expo at least twice--once in Portland and again in Pleasanton, California. The neatest thing that I witnessed is that there are more and more Deaf-owned and run businesses showing their presence in these Expos. The display and exhibits for the major VRS players are becoming impressive--a reflection of the true potential of the Deaf company. I see many Network Marketing businesses coming up--such as Quixtar, USANA, Arbonne, etc. I see proprietors, such as Pah! Printing in California. I know there's more that would love mention but I can't think of them. But you get the idea. Own your own business, hire Deaf folks. And, you can bring on interns, and give them opportunities to hone their skills, so that when they leave they'll start their business! My friends, commerce out there is OURS TO RULE!

And c'mon, the Internet!! How many people are making money off of the Internet?? Millions! Capitalize on the Internet!! If you have this much time to be sitting at your computer scanning DeafRead everyday looking for interesting blogs and vlogs, then I'm sure you could be redirecting your energy into starting something profitable on the Internet! (No offense to Mayer and company!) Seriously, you could be making loads of cash selling stuff on the 'net. Or start a subscription site of some sort. A mere 3,000 membership base paying $10 a month for something that you can offer, can gross you $30,000 a month in income, or $360,000 per year. Sick, isn't it? And how many millions of people are connected to the Internet around the world??
Do the math. Find a way to capitalize on this. You'd be driving a Bentley GT in no time.

Again, why struggle? Why not create your own destiny?

But ah! The caveat is--in order to create your business, you have to use the resources that the Hearing people have! Develop a business plan, go to banks to get a business loan, go to other businesses to acquire stuff you need for your business and etc. It's inescapable. This is where we have to learn how to appropriately and professionally communicate with Hearing people to get what we need. Here is where we need to learn the law of symbiosis--"Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours". You have to give if you want to get. There's always an equilibrium that must be maintained--it's the law of the universe. Once you get the hang of communicating with Hearing people and making them comfortable with you, they will be more than happy to have your business.

Take it a bit further. Remember the word Symbiosis. Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Deaf businesses supporting other Deaf businesses. Keep the money within the Deaf Nation. Create our own little economy.

So when I hear people complaining about discrimination, oppression and audism in their workplaces, I often think "If only they could go out and start their own business." You each are responsible for yourselves and how you behave in these instances. You are Masters of your own destiny and you can choose whatever path you want to take. Easy for me to say, not easy to do but it's not impossible.

Remember my previous post about "Forward Thinking"?? This is a good example. This is how we can start to take control over our destiny and start shifting over to be proactive people than reactive. We have got to stop being lazy and complacent and whining about oppression and audism and take control of our lives. If you have something you have to offer to all the rest of us, then by all means, share it with us in one way or another.

And this is how I share what I have to offer. My wisdom and insight.

Anyways, to wrap it up, one thing is for sure, you are in charge of your own ship, your own businesses. You are the Captain.

BF

Forward Thinking--the Yin to Yang of Deficit Thinking

Everyone's a Deficit Thinker. Period. Every since the term was coined and disseminated throughout the blogsphere--I have seen nothing short of a witchhunt against each other--as though we are eating our own selves to death. AGBell would be laughing if he could see all of our discussions and the finger-pointing and the begging for censorship. What the hell, guys? Sure, "deficit thinking" is a viable term, but it warrants further clarification and discussion. Its apparent that with the introduction of this new term, that it has hit a raw nerve amongst us all--that we are our own deficit thinking machines and now we're gettin' all pissy about it!! From Egbert to Paotie to Ella Mae to Kalalau to Mishkazena to DE and even myself. Maybe the simple matter is, that merely by engaging in the discussion of Deficit Thinking, that we are actually DOING it. Perhaps then we ought ban that term? It's really becoming a hot potato that nobody wants to touch anymore. And the sad thing is, I can actually see some folks truly thriving on the negativity as though it's an ego game where one wants to get the last word and the last laugh. Egos and personalities are becoming bruised and hurt. I do not see how Deficit Thinking can be a positive integer in our philosophical efforts. Its just bringing us more pain, although I'm pretty positive that it was not the intent at all of the Deaf Bilingual Coalition.

Lets try something different here--how about "Forward Thinking"? Think Forward, think of the future, think of what we can do from this point on? Deficit thinking automatically makes us think of the negatives and the past. Automatically!!. If we can simply make a transition to the other side, where the grass is greener, and think about how we can transform ourselves to thinking about the future, we can think forward. We can let loose our creativity and come up with many ways of how our Deaf Nation can create a better future for ourselves.

I challenge you to think of one thing we can be doing in the future that is wholly beneficial to our Deaf Nation 10 years from now. It can be technology, it can be an educational approach, it can be anything! What would you love to see happening 10 years from now in our Deaf Nation! Be creative!! Let your imagination tickle you and be sure to pay attention to what your heart tells you. Does it feel good? Does it feel exciting? What is that feeling??

And please do share!

BF

An introduction....

Greetings. The name's Bentley Fink and this is my new blogsite. Several of you may know me, several may not. Regardless, it is only fitting that I begin my own blog. And vlog. This is where I will be launching my platform with regards to the various hot topics that are circulating amongst the community of bloggers in the Deaf Nation today.

At the same time, it tickles me because I can see how this is a revolution in the making. Right now, right here. Yes, a revolution. This is called The Digital Revolution of the Deaf. Why? Lets take a look.

Simply put, the 2006 Gally Protest started it. There were about four main blogs that I can recall that were heavily reporting on the events at the protest, and infamously, during Black Friday, the 13th where over 100 students and supporters were arrested. These blogs CRASHED!

That was the tipping point. The tipping point is a particular point in which whatever is going on, gains enough momentum to ensure its' viability as an entity. The Protest was the tipping point. If it wasn't for the protest, would we have all these blogs?

It is just amazing to see that after having taken a peek at DeafRead.com and the various blogs out there, what and how many other blogs are out there engaging in wonderful philosophical discussions about our very own existence! And just last week DeafRead.com reported at least 100,000 hits (a month??). That is an amazing number. If I was paid $1 each time someone visited my site, I'd have $100,000 each month and more than enough cash to stink of green.

Anyways.. I have begun posting my views and comments on other peoples' blogs and I figured it's time that I create my own so that I can harp my point of views and perspectives from my own platform here, and create lively discussions. Visitors are most welcome to engage in constructive dialogue and follow a few ground rules which I believe ought be golden and unspoken but I'll go ahead and lay them out.

1. Always, and always maintain an atmosphere of respect to fellow commentors.

2. Flaming (an old term) will not be tolerated. I will moderate the comments and if any comments are negatively aimed at another comment or myself, I will delete them before they even see the light of day.

3. I expect the envelope to be pushed. In other words, I expect that we all will be challenged with our thinking. Another challenge is to continue to be civil.

4. I believe in honesty and accountability, introspection and analysis of thyself. I encourage self-analysis as it pertains to the issues.

5. I am using this blog space as a niche for myself where I can speak my views and perspectives without being overbearing on other peoples' blogs. Their blogs are their spaces for their points of views.

So all in all, I simply ask for common sense and respect.

Until then and happy bloggin'.. and vloggin'.. oy..

BF